I feel odd.
Lemme clarify. So, I’ve spent the better part of the last however long trying to develop a reasonable balance of my internal fiery desire to mold the world around me into the world I think it *should* be against the external constructs that we’re forced to live within. Society, communities, the ongoing battles of various wills for control over their own interpretations of life. I’ve managed to kinda settle into a placid facade of general “okayness” with the way things are, to make things easier to push toward my own personal goals and have fun doing it.
But lately I’ve felt really strained. My general rebellious fiery nature has a habit of wanting to bypass the normal “logical” methods of dealing with things and run in guns blazing. Burn, destroy, excise. Remove the problems with reality at the source. Stop the venom from poisoning others. Make a statement that will FORCE people to take notice, instead of idling by in blissful apathy. Ignore the normal discussions, the “valid” paths of social change, the pointless laws, the general societal constructs that allow us to somewhat peacefully exist in communities…
I need some way of channeling that energy into something productive. Destruction may be fun, but it’s certainly not beneficial in the short term and the long term is a coin toss.
I feel like a time bomb.
(x-posted to Tumblr cuz.)